22 Monthsary, Still Getting Stronger

Just this morning as I open my Facebook account a message from my beloved boyfriend pops in and I am happy reading his message.

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MIGUEL Luv u
MIGUEL Happy 22....

Love really begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. Don't worry, it begins again with a text!!

Celebrating our 22 now!  A beautiful message could definitely bring a smile in our partner's face. Even if we're living apart, technology has made it very easy for us to continue our communication.  Keeping in touch  truly opened our doors to express our feelings and thoughts to one another.

I really miss him, how I wish to watch the sunrise with him until the sunset of our life.  

Someday we will be together, 12 months in a year...30 days in a month..7 days in a week...24 hours in a day...60 minutes an hour...mixed with happiness, faith, wisdom, understanding, a pint of hope and a handful of loved topped with lots of smile and happiness with him alone.

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Happy 22th Monthsary Palabz.  

I love you more.

CAROUSEL OF LIFE

Listening to the music video of Vanessa Carlton, CAROUSEL.  I thought it was a literal carousel that we usually see at a carnival.  But upon listening to the lyrics of the song is all about LOVERS who are brokenhearted.

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For all you brokenhearted lovers lost Go find another one Cause you know time won't wait and you'll be late White rabbit's on the run 

But for me this song is perfect for this Lenten Season.  It's not for the lover's only but the relationship we have with Jesus.  The Lord Jesus is close to brokenhearted, he saves us all who are crushed in spirit.  

We have our own carousels in life.  If we loved much we give our all.  And we have time to depart if we cannot longer carry the burden, even if we don't know where to go.

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This is how JESUS loves us so much, even if He is perfect, no sin at all but still He gives us his life just to SAVE us.

To find another one is to seek renewal with your relationship with JESUS.  To be reborn and start your new life with Christ because you will never know when the time ends.

White rabbits on the run means here TIME SLIPPING or MIND FLOATING.  The idea of having to choose between BAD or GOOD.   You are at the stage of DOUBTFULNESS within yourself.  Or having your own belief that you have the power to dominate your life. This is very difficult to handle, dominating over your own life is like climbing up onto a ladder in either way you have to go up because of the SUCCESS or to fall down.

The song really depicts our life now. It is well written and have a better idea what is LIFE without JESUS.

Watch video here and listen to its lyric.  Then tell me your own translation of the song.    

Video credit to VANESSA CARLTON VEVO CHANNEL

TIME TO SUCCUMB

There's no healing we need pressure.

I shall not succumb to temptation. Is trying to resist evil and soon after, the guilt is there to feel me what I've done is extremely bad.

I don't want this, committing the mistakes over and over again.  Yes, it challenges me and hold me accountable. I struggled so much to fight it but it ended me questioning myself, am I bad?

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However, I started to realize that having this kind of problem with your partner is just normal and need not to have self pity and inner struggle.  Communicating is the KEY here.

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That sometimes even if we are committed to someone, we still need to have our own decisions.

I must submit the desire that I have. I can't think of a day having this kind of struggle.  But I believe that TIME will come and I don't have to repeat the mistakes again.

Please PRAY for me been trying so hard though its seriously damage my LIFE and it is a problem that I can't ignore.

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email letter from a friend  

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT

Give a man love, and he will be happy for a time. Teach a man how to love, and he will have joy through all eternity.

I don't know how to start this but hope to end this post nicely.

I thought I would have no problem finding love for the second time.  I thought I can carry this by myself.  I thought it was easy to handle such relationship.  Just when I thought I had everything and now I'm practically losing it.

Or is just a simple "I THOUGHT"???

January 20 is our 18 MONTHSARY.  I waited so much for his call; seconds, minutes, hours and  days no call coming from him.

Then suddenly phone rings and I hurried to receive the call. I thought he was the one calling but apparently the call is intended for my mom.

I want to scream and shout let my anguish be gone.

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I need someone to talk to!!!!!  Please???????

Suddenly somebody opens the door and walks towards me.  Both are with teary eyed and I embrace him then slap him. I slapped him because I THOUGHT IT WAS OVER.

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But again, thanks GOD all is just my thoughts.  Thoughts that drive me crazy.

(Just missing each other after the BIG FIGHT.)

TOO MANY WALLS

So many hindrances and so little time.  Why are there so many obstacles in our LIFE?

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I know these are common to us. Someone will say, spices of life.  But why they exist NOBODY KNOWS.

Live your LIFE to the fullest.  Love the man whom you trust.  We have to roll with the situation at hand.  Even it hurts you have to understand that it has a meaning, never to stop loving that person.  This is actually true, in my case I learn to understand that life is like a book with so many chapters and pages.  Some seem to stop at a difficult chapter not knowing that there is a better chapter ahead.  Maybe that is why there are TOO MANY WALLS around us, it is because we are all TESTED?

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THIS IS LIFE.  Many Obstacles. Many Walls. But we have to go over it and be MORE STRONGER because nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, or pain and difficulty!

      

Getting Stronger at 16: I MISS YOU ALREADY

It hasn't been easy in fact it's a bit scary having a LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.   I suffered one month of depression and loneliness (that is why I don't have a post about our 15 MONTHSARY).  And what makes it worse is our communication is not that good as compared in the past.   I know I had to be strong in my stand that my partner has his obligations and duty to his works  but you cannot blame me if I think so negatively.

DOUBT?  Yes, I am doubtful now.  I do trust him but I guess you can say that it's also my biggest regret for not conquering these demons inside my mind. A bit fearful with this relationship but today really isn't the right time to end a wonderful relation that starts with a beautiful friendship.

To start I have to STOP my negative thoughts and look back what we have from the past.  After the one month space we have(no communication), I finally realize that I LOVE HIM SO DEARLY and I MISS HIM ALREADY.

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We should STOP our childish attitudes and start again with a NEW STORY in our LIFE.  For the first time the emptiness inside me was GONE.  Knowing that he LOVES ME MORE and he UNDERSTAND my LONGING.  I cannot imagine trying to cope up with my LIFE alone again.

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I can hardly say that I have a NEW LIFE with him.  And with GOD, He gives us an assurance that HE IS IN CONTROL and HE give us a NEW BEGINNING to start all over again.    

A wonderful beginning of a VAPING RELATIONSHIP.  Happy 16th MONTHSARY PALABZ.

It's our 14th today!!!

Photo credit to Cake Central

If this is not LOVE then explain to me this feeling I have right now.  I don't know what LOVE TRULY is.  All I know is that I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and I WON'T LET YOU GO.

You're PERFECT for me.  I hope you will be the ONE for me FOREVER.  

We have gone so far and we NEED each other everyday.  I HOPE you're HAPPY with ME as I am with YOU.

HAPPY 14th MONTHSARY PALABZ!  I LOVE YOU.

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It's our 13th Today

For almost 3 days I don't have communication with my partner.

Thank God he texted me  yesterday morning saying his okey and nothing to worry.  Problem with his connection he said.

It really bothers me when someone you love suddenly gone for a day without a reason.  Mixed emotions transpired, afraid if something bad happened. 

Many questions arise; one of this is, WHY DID HE SUDDENLY STOP TEXTING/CALLING ME?  I am not a mind reader that I can easily guess what other person think.  I know texting and calling constantly is a pain in the ass.  Guys don't like this, they avoid habitual texting and calling back and forth, I know that.  I am not selfish but I want to know that he is still there for me.  A kind of affection that I wanted in a man.  I want him always on my side.

    
Celebrating our 13th Monthsary without him is really sad.  But I am happy that he called.  

Maybe I am just over reacting having that kind of thinking.  It might that I have to let go of that weird feelings.  

The reality is that any area of our SOCIAL LIFE happened to have that GUILT and FEAR.  But I have to look like that I am letting him do whatever he wants.  Maybe I am just a bit so strict and afraid.  Afraid of being alone again.

I have to be nonreactive of all the things going on now.  So that I can easily see the clarity of the situation.  No more doubts and I will make my self-fulfilling prophecy.  It may seem a little delusional but it is just an assumption to make how other person feels about.  

And finally one of the best thing I can do even if he is not here for now, I will make sure that I have a full and enjoyable fun life.  

Happy 13th monthsary palabz.  Love you.  

   

DEACTIVATED LOVE

Love that has to stop...  

I didn't really have the time, but I stopped for a while:

Sometimes, you just need to stop for a while and look around at all the beautiful things in your life.

But I will never STOP loving you, just deactivated for the meantime.

ALONE

He's not around.  He's at work.  

I miss him a lot.  

I don't want to feel sad because I know he is just there working.  But I feel so lonely right now.  I start my day with him and end it with him alone.

I really, really miss you Palabz.   

Hope you're doing good.

HAPPY 1st ANNIVERSARY PALABZ

To the love of my life Miguel:

Today is a very special day that is engraved in my memory because it is the day we started our relationship. Meeting you is the best thing that has happened to me. From the start of our relationship you have proved you are the love I always waited for. Your smile is enough to cheer my days. Your company is the best recipe against loneliness.

I cannot imagine my life without you: I think I would not care about anything because you make me want to be better. My heart and soul belong to you. When I am with you nothing else matters and there is only you and me. Nothing in the world compares to our love because there is no one else like you on earth.

Happy anniversary, love of my life. Let us make a pledge to love each other until our last day. I love you now and forever.

I love you. Happy 1st anniversary Palabz.

From Now On.....

I will post my daily activities with my partner as we journey together for almost a year in this world.

We are from 2 different worlds: Jean is from the world of LOVE. Miguel is from the world of RESPECT. We are a happy couple. We are enjoying our lives, at the same time, exploring and trying to find the home of our careers.  


Every 20th of the month we celebrate our Monthsary. We see to it that we are celebrating our monthsary together.  Though sometimes work is always there to hinder us.  But nevertheless we took time to celebrate it even if we are apart.


Through internet is the easiest way to communicate if he goes to work far away from me. We think DISTANCE as part of our RELATIONSHIP.  A colorful part that made us stronger facing life problems.  We don't think that DISTANCE is a problem but an ingredient that helps us grow together.

Since we won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations. We tell each other about our little triumphs and tragedies. Ask on for advice. Use our instant messenger program or FACEBOOK for real-time chat, or YAHOO web cams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so we make sure we use it, especially long-distance phone calls put a strain in our budget. We ensure that our e-mails are substantive and detailed, it will help us show that we care enough to put in the time and effort. We do still write love letters. Send small gifts, cards, or he sends me flowers for no reason. 
In this case, quantity is as important as quality. We may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand—we don't take communication for granted!

Sometimes I miss his presence but I will think that he is just near me, so close enough to hug and kiss me.

FIX YOU

Fix You is the first song you've shared for me when I was down that time.  And it really made me cry because of all the things that happened to me you are there for me no matter what.

....Lights will guide you home and Ignite your bones and I will try to fix you....